Humor me on this entry- I know it's a long one and there aren't any pictures. Okay, at the last minute I included this picture I took of tonight's sunset.
Not sure what's gotten in to me today. Emotional level: high; Sentimentality level: High; Nostalgic level: HIGH
I think it might be an emotional perfect storm.
Last week learning that a friend from my youth took his life; yesterday a girlfriend crying in relief to me in the aftermath of a personal family crisis and realizing she just barely dodged a bullet that would have severely and permanently altered her life; today a friend telling me of the unexpected meltdown he had during a social event over the loss of his mother earlier in the year to cancer; tomorrow the 12 year anniversary of my biking accident that had the potential to alter my life in so many ways and in many ways did- all these things cause me to reflect.
To reflect on my life, it's path, the people that have come in and out of it for good and bad, the dear ones (and if you're reading this that's you), the unknown future and just how did I get this old this fast? So much left I want to do. So much left I want to see. So much left that I want to observe. When I was in my late teens/early twenties the future was so exciting with the unknown possibilities. Don't get me wrong, it's still exciting with the possibilities, only the reality is that my "exciting unknowns" are much fewer than they were back then and have different forms and delineations. But today, I'm tired.
2 weeks ago I went to see the English band, Elbow. It was one of the most intimate concerts I'd been to in a long time. Just me, Elbow and a few thousand close friends- at least that's what it felt like. The lead singer, Guy Garvey, introduced a song that I wasn't familiar with called Scattered Black and Whites. The lead in story was how it was written about the experience he had when his grandfather died. The family was taking shifts sitting at the bedside and that his grandfather would slip in and out of lucidity but was recalling stories and memories. Some stories coherent and others fragmented together, but how those memories told his story and gave him comfort and shelter.
I know that's true for me and my memories. I always get a smile when I think of the hijinks shared with my brothers and sisters. The pleasure I get from thinking of all my wonderful nephews and nieces as little ones and now as big ones, many of you with little ones of your own, well, there are no words to describe it. As the song goes, "I come back here from time to time; I shelter here some days". You've all given me shelter today.
I've grown to love this song and it's appreciation of the beauty, comfort and even preciousness in the day-to-day mundane. If I knew how to connect the song to the blog I would. Until then if you have any interest in the words, here they are:
Been climbing trees, I've skinned my knees
My hands are black, the sun is going down
She scruffs my hair in the kitchen steam
She's listening to the dream I weaved today
Crosswords through the bathroom door
While someone sings the theme-tune to the news
And my sister buzzes through the room leaving perfume
in the air, and that's what triggered this.
I come back here from time to time; I shelter here some days
A high-back chair, he sits and stares
A thousand yards and whistles marching-band
Kneeling by and speaking up
He reaches out and I take a massive hand.
Disjointed tales that flit between
Short trousers and a full dress uniform.
And he talks of people ten years gone
Like I've know them all my life
Like scattered black and whites
I come back here from time to time
I shelter here some days.
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